Zafkiel stood in the doorway for a long moment, watching Rafariel at the table. The younger boy was working studiously at his schoolwork - as he often did - but his attitude seemed different to usual; more relaxed, more light-hearted. Even from here, Zafkiel could hear that he was humming softly, something that he'd never really done before.

Zafkiel fidgeted. He both did and didn't want to have this conversation. Ever since Hanael had told him about what was going on with Rafariel and Tzadkael -- and ever since he'd noticed for himself that their relationship seemed to be on again -- he'd felt like it was something he had to do. But watching Rafariel, and seeing how much more cheerful he'd seemed lately, made him wonder if maybe it didn't matter.

Except that he knew Tzadkael better than anyone, when it came down to it.

Taking hold of his determination before it slipped away again, he walked into the room, making no move to hide the sound of his approach. Rafariel glanced up from his books, and smiled when he saw Zafkiel.

"Good morning," he said, as courteous as always. Zafkiel returned his smile.

"Morning," he replied.

Then he sat down at the table, across from Rafariel. The boy looked at him queryingly.

"Rafariel... can we... talk?" he asked, still feeling hesitant about the whole thing.

"Sure," said Rafariel amicably, closing the book that he'd been writing in.

"...it's about Tzadkael," Zafkiel continued, and Rafariel's hands paused for a moment. Then the boy shrugged, and continued to move his books aside.

"That's okay."

Zafkiel hesitated, still not sure where to start, so he decided to explain a little, and see what he could get from Rafariel first. "I know I shouldn't.. gossip about you.. but Hanael was worried about you. So we talked about what happened."

Rafariel nodded, not looking surprised at all. "I don't mind. Hanael needs someone to talk to, too."

Zafkiel bit his lip. He'd sort of hoped Rafariel would give him more to go on with his reply. But the boy merely sat there, looking at him calmly, waiting for him to go on. So he tried again.

"...and now it seems like.. you forgave Tzadkael."

Rafariel looked away, then back again, his expression suddenly a little too self-conscious. He scratched his neck.

"...we talked." He looked about to say more, but then he stopped, and his eyes moved away again.

"Oh?" Zafkiel wasn't about to let him stop just there. Rafariel sighed, and looked down at his hands.

"I feel like... he was truthful to me. For maybe the first time in his life." He looked up, and Zafkiel could see the unsurety in his eyes. He kept silent.

"It was more like.. he said what he was really thinking, instead of just what he thought I wanted to hear. Or what he thought would best push my buttons." Rafariel's fingers twined together, and he fell silent again.

"You're right, truthful isn't really a word I'd normally apply to him." Zafkiel had to wonder just exactly what it was that Tzadkael had said. At first he'd thought Rafariel had been wise to his brother's tricks, and he hadn't been worried by Tzadkael's constant attempts to woo him. But then, almost before he'd noticed, something had changed. Rafariel had fallen into his trap, just like so many others before him. And Zafkiel had been worried all over again. But this didn't sound like the normal Tzadkael tricks. Heck, if he had to admit it, nothing had been like Tzadkael's normal tricks except the initial wooing. His brother had been acting funny for weeks, and he didn't understand any of it.

"I.. I like him." Rafariel's sudden words broke Zafkiel out of his musings. He looked up.

"I really do. Despite.. everything. I don't know why. When he looks at me.. I feel.." Rafariel trailed off, blushing, and Zafkiel was struck by how vulnerable the boy looked in that moment.

"Anyway. He said.. that he's willing to try harder, for me. The way he said it.. I feel like I can believe him."

Zafkiel pondered this silently, equating it with the Tzadkael he knew. Rafariel's gaze was determined now, no longer vulnerable.

"Do you think that's naive of me?" The question was almost a challenge.

Zafkiel hesitated, then shrugged his shoulders. He remembered what Hanael had said to him only a few days ago. I know you don't trust Kael, and I understand that. But I don't think he's entirely the Kael you once knew. Things are changing for him. And Raziel, too, had said almost the same thing. Yeah, Kael's a player, but I think it played out differently this time for him. Like, maybe this time it's real.

"No," he replied at last. "Maybe he's finally ready."

Rafariel stared at him, and Zafkiel could see the surprise in his gaze. Well, he supposed it was common knowledge how he felt about his brother. But nobody knew the things he knew about Tzadkael.

But if things were changing - if Tzadkael was finally changing - maybe it was time someone did.

He bit his lip, and then leaned forward and spoke before he could lose the nerve to do so.

"I.. I want to tell you a bit about him. So maybe you'll understand."

Rafariel stared at him a moment longer, then nodded slowly. "...okay." The boy's fingers twined together again.

Zafkiel hesitated. "He probably would hate me for doing it, but..."

Rafariel shook his head. "I won't tell him." And Zafkiel believed him. He breathed an internal sigh of relief. Tzadkael wouldn't like to hear that anyone had been told anything about him that he didn't want them to know, and least of all someone like Rafariel.

"...we don't, any of us, talk about our childhood much. It.. was rough." Now Zafkiel found his own fingers twining together, nervously, almost frenetically, and he consciously stilled them. He wasn't one for revisiting unhappy memories, but...

"There was a time.. a few years.. when we were all living in different places." Zafkiel continued to stare at his fingers. "And.. something happened to him, in that time. I don't know what, but he changed, so much. When he came to live with me again... it was like living with a stranger." In his mind's eye, he could see that Tzadkael, the sullen, angry, violent young boy that he'd been unable to understand, unable to even recognise at first.

"Something... hurt him?" Rafariel's hesitant question snapped him out of his memories, and he looked up, seeing again the vulnerability on Rafariel's face. The boy wasn't really all that much younger than him, and yet sometimes he seemed so very much younger, and Zafkiel felt older than ever.

He nodded, and looked down at his hands again. "Yes. And after that.. he worked so hard at.. getting the better of everyone. We never got along, not any more. We just hurt each other, worse and worse, year after year, until I left." He closed his eyes, not able to look at anything now, wishing only to block the memories, particularly of those last few years before he'd left. But his mouth continued to speak, almost of its own volition. "And yet.. I always wished.. that I could've helped him. I think.. that time shaped who he is now, more than anything else. And not in a good way." He sighed, opening his eyes again. He would never openly admit it to anyone, but sometimes he felt guilty for the way Tzadkael was now; felt responsible for not having done enough to help him back then.

Rafariel was silent for a long time, and Zafkiel raised his eyes at last. The boy's expression was confused, concerned, unsure, nervous, and Zafkiel wondered if maybe he was realising just how much he'd gotten into the bargain. He felt a pang of regret. First relationships should be easy, or at the very least fun, and he didn't doubt from all he knew about the boy that this was Rafariel's first relationship. He wanted to be able to say that Tzadkael was really a nice guy underneath it all; that when you got to know him he was just a marshmallow; that there was nothing but happiness in their future.

But he guessed things were never that easy. And Rafariel had a right to know what he was walking into.

"I'll tell you the truth; he scares me, sometimes. He's.. capable of a lot. He's lacking a lot of scruples that most of us take for granted. And he really knows how to hurt people." Zafkiel bit his lip. Rafariel's expression was closed off; knowing, in a way, as if he wasn't surprised to hear this at all. Maybe he already knew what he was getting into.

"But... I understand why you like him."

"You do?" Rafariel's tone reflected the sudden and honest surprise on his face. Zafkiel smiled a little, shrugging his shoulders helplessly.

"He's got that charm, that makes you want to be with him, that makes you want to do things for him."

Rafariel's expression closed off again. Zafkiel's guessed it wasn't the answer he was expecting, or wanting. But he felt like it had needed to be said.

"But... if he really does like you, if you really do like him... I feel like.. maybe you could change him."

Rafariel's brows furrowed.

"How do you mean?"

"If what you said is true.. if what I've seen and heard is true... it seems like you have a real hold over him, that no-one else has ever had. You should use it."

Rafariel's eyes widened, sudden realisation of what he was saying. His gaze stuttered away from Zafkiel, falling finally to the floor.

"That doesn't seem right." His voice was soft with uncertainty.

Zafkiel leaned forwards. "If you use it to help him, to.. heal him, to make him a better person.. is it such a bad thing?"

Rafariel's eyes raised slowly to meet his again, and he saw further understanding in the them. Understanding of what he was trying to say. He was a smart boy, Zafkiel knew that. It was just a question of whether he was capable of the enormity of what Zafkiel was asking him to consider. It wasn't an easy task, not for anyone.

"...I don't know. Maybe not." Rafariel bit his lip. But he seemed to be considering the idea, at least, and that was a start.

"Think about it, anyway." Zafkiel felt happy enough leaving it there. Except for one other thing he wanted to say.

"And.. promise me one thing."

"What's that?" Rafariel's gaze was still distant, contemplative.

"Don't let him push you into doing things you don't want to."

Now the boy focused on him wholly again. "...what do you mean?"

Zafkiel twisted his fingers together, not wanting to lay it out plain. He didn't think he could put it into words anyway.

"He's.. tricky. He can talk you into anything. But.. if he wants you to do things that make you uncomfortable.. stand up to him. Say no. Otherwise, it'll just get worse, and he'll ask for more the next time, and..." He shook his head, trailing off; he couldn't say any more than that. Couldn't think any more than that. Didn't even want to imagine Rafariel in that position, ever.

"I'm still not sure I understand, but.." Rafariel trailed off, but his expression was open concern now; concern for Zafkiel, and Zafkiel cursed under his breath. He was meant to be reassuring the boy, not the other way around.

"You'll understand. If he tries. And anyway, I think it's good for him, to be told no sometimes."

Rafariel smiled a little bit. "Well, I definitely agree with that."

Zafkiel couldn't help but smile back. He'd never been able to say no to Tzadkael, but.. for all his youth, for all his naivete, for all his unsurety and moments of self-doubt, Rafariel had the backbone that he himself had never had. He didn't doubt that if Rafariel wanted to say no to Tzadkael, then he'd say no, and in no uncertain terms.

"I don't trust him, I never have, but.." He brushed hair nervously out of his face, then offered Rafariel a hopeful smile. "I hope that things go well for you both. I really, really do."

Rafariel looked at him across the table, his expression serious, contemplative, and doubtful all at once. Then he smiled, and the other expressions gave way to hope. Without warning, he reached across the table and took Zafkiel's hands in his own.

"Thank you. I know... I mean, I understand that there's a lot of mistrust and bad blood between you and he, but... I really think I can make this work. And... maybe things will be different from here on. For everyone, not just me and Kael."

Zafkiel stared at him. The warmth of Rafariel's hands against his and the warmth of the boy's hopeful words touched him inside, and he had a sudden overwhelming urge to cry. He curbed it as best he could, and instead simply squeezed Rafariel's hands gently.

"Thank you." He let go of the boy's hands, and got up and left before he really did start to cry; he didn't think Rafariel needed to see him in tears. But the conceptuality behind Rafariel's words, even if they were just the naive hope of a young boy, still touched him so strongly that he almost couldn't stop himself. If Tzadkael really could be changed for the better... maybe he could finally let go of the lingering guilt that had haunted him since he was ten.